Visual summary of “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg
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NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION by Marshall Rosenberg
(Summary by Joy Ming)
The 4-part Nonviolent Communication Process
Clearly and honestly expressing HOW I AM without blaming or criticizing / Empathetically receiving HOW YOU ARE without hearing blame or criticism
What you SEE, HEAR, REMEMBER, IMAGINE (free from any evaluation) that does or does not contribute to your well being
→ Focus on specific behaviors from your own perspective
How you feel (emotion, not thought) in relation to what you observe
→ Distinguish between what we feel and who we think we are and how we thinking others react and behave towards us. What others say and do may be the stimulus but never the cause of our feelings. The cause is what we choose to receive what others say or do and our particular needs and expectations at that moment. Expressing our vulnerability might help resolve conflicts.
What you need/value (not a preference or specific action) that contributes to your feeling
→ If we don’t understand and value our needs, others might not either
Clearly requesting what would enrich my life without demanding / Empathetically receiving what would enrich your life without hearing demands
Concrete actions you would like to be taken
→ Use positive action language — clear, concrete to reveal what we really want.
No matter what others say, we only hear what they are (1) observing (2) feeling (3) needing (4) requesting.
→ Listen with your whole being
→ Empathy lies with our ability to be present
judgements, like all judgements are tragic expressions of unmet needs.
DON’T DO ANYTHING THAT ISN’T PLAY
With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life, rather than out of fear, shame, or obligation.
- Stop, breathe
- Identify judgmental thoughts
- Connect with our needs
- Express our feelings & unmet needs
- Actions that have contributed to our well-being
- Particular needs of ours that have been fulfilled
- Pleasureful feelings engendered by the fulfillment of those needs